Two Candidates Jump Out of an Airplane...

  The first debate has come and gone and, unsurprisingly, the Republicans are claiming victory.  I can't say I blame them. If the measure of victory is indeed the strength of conviction exhibited by the candidates, then I have to give the win to Romney. The Governor clearly believes his own rhetoric, at least for as long as it takes for the words to come out of his mouth and land in the ears of all the people who were already going to vote for him anyway. 

  The President, by contrast, seemed to treat the debate like the formality it is, and didn't bother too much with trying to point out all the holes in Romney's exhortations.  The truth is, it doesn't make a bit of difference either way.  At this stage in the campaign, if you don't know who you want to vote for, then this writer humbly suggests you stay home on Election Day.  You're clearly a dithering, indecisive moron and you have no place in a voting booth.  Decisions like this are clearly beyond your intellectual capacity and you lack the understanding needed to make informed choices about things as important as who will run our government for the next four years.

  For my own part, I have decided neither of the major party candidates are qualified for the job, and I cannot in good conscience vote for them.  Despite having voted for President Obama in 2008, I am extremely unhappy with the job he has done as President, and can no longer support him with my vote. Instead I will either vote for Gary Johnson of the Libertarian Party (if he is on the ballot in Indiana) or I will leave the boxes for President and Vice President blank and vote only for the Congressional, state, and local offices...unless I can request a write-in ballot. 

  The reasons for my disillusionment with the major party candidates were clearly illustrated during the first debate.  The two candidates represented the flaws of their parties perfectly. It was like they were hosting a clinic on inept political jousting.  Mitt Romney ignored the rules of the debate throughout the hour by interrupting, changing the subject, and stepping on moderator Jim Lehrer's every procedural pronouncement as if they made no difference, just like Republicans routinely ignore the will of the electorate and the plight of the people. Romney also cheated by sneaking notes onto his podium despite the rule against them. This was caught on video, but I have heard nothing about it in the "liberal" media.

  The President's performance was every bit as disappointing to me as his entire term in office has been, and for many of the same reasons.  He stood by idly as Romney ignored the rules and cheated.  The President made no attempt to call Romney out on any of the countless lies the Governor told that night. Opportunity after opportunity to show up what a flip-flopping, lying con-man Romney is came up and passed without the President doing his job and pointing those things out to the American people. Much in the same way he failed to adequately inform the American people about the benefits of the Affordable Care Act (which he now claims to prefer to call Obamacare like the disrespectful opponents of everything it represents). Cowardly, craven ass-hattery, I say! If the President had made even a token effort to fight back, it may have edged me towards voting for him again.  I doubt it, but it might have.  I would have to overcome my anger that the President broke his promise to end the war in Afghanistan.

  Ultimately, this debate was a joke and the ones that follow will be jokes too, and they won't be any funnier than this one.  Speaking of jokes, what do you call it when Mitt Romney and President Obama are tossed out of an airplane at 15,000 feet with no parachutes? A really good start.

e-mail: thisistruth4you@gmail.com

twitter @JACarlisle1

"Thirsty? Here. Shove This Box of Wine Up Your..."

  Anyone who has been paying any attention at all these last several years knows that teenagers have reached a level of stupidity that once existed only in the exaggerated rants of only the most grouchy and curmudgeonly of old farts. Between their ridiculous sense of style and the lazy, retread cadence to their "writing" (consisting entirely of text messages, IMs, status updates, and 'tweets'), one could very easily assume the average teen is mentally impaired in one way or another.
  Now, the author of this article is not as old as you probably expect based upon the preamble you have read thus far. One might think what follows to be the puritanical gripes of a detached septuagenarian disgusted by his grand kids lack of respect for their elders. Nope. This comes from a thirty-two year old man with decades ahead of him in which to become even more cynical. That is, provided his head doesn't literally pop first.
  Now, in the late nineties and early 2000's, myself and the rest of the Generation Y-ers were coming of age, going to college, getting our first tastes of real life. Despite the opinions of OUR elders, we hit it pretty hard. Most young men and women this writer knew worked hard at school, their jobs, and they unwound from those with equal vigor.
  We drank to an extent that, looking back, seemed really excessive. On more than one occasion, bottles of tequila were drained and kegs were floated. Large bags of brown pot were burned in a night, and everyone woke up the next day and felt absolutely horrible. Disgusting hangover remedies were concocted and, immediately, dismissed as we became aware that the only thing that helps a hangover is a belly full of fried food, coffee, and time. Depending on the severity of the hangover, you may also need to mix in a forty-five minute, head in hands sit on the John, culminating in an absolutely obscene crap that makes you wonder how in the hell you aren't dead yet. Lessons were learned.
  In the post-9/11 America, a generation has hit "adulthood" for whom it appears to be their mission to ensure none but the absolute Alphas of their numbers survive to middle-age. For the love of God, these people are evidently trying to see if they can eradicate drugs and alcohol from existence through consumption. It's as if they have ALL been collectively pulled over by a cop at once, and are simply trying to shove the entirety of the generations contra-band into their orifices before they get caught with them. They seem to be completely unaware of or unconcerned with the probability of consequences.
  The most chilling example of this generation's dysfunction is the new, not so cleverly titled, 'Alcohol-Enemas'-fad. Not exactly as elegant sounding as "The Century Club" or as cosmopolitan as playing a game of  "Around The World." Neither is it as fun as doing "Keg-Stands" or playing "Beer Pong." It definitely lacks all the sexiness of doing "Body Shots."
  It is, simply, shoving a hose up your ass, squirting a large quantity of alcohol into your colon, and becoming ludicrously intoxicated as the alcohol hits your blood-stream through the walls of your bowel. What goes up (as we know from science class) must come down. Thus, those who find themselves passed out from their intense alcoholic high, usually find themselves, once they wake, lying face-down in a massive puddle of liquid shit mixed with the sour, fetid stench of Franzia White Zinfandel or Red Blush. These are the booze of choice for alcohol-enema aficionados, due to their low cost, large quantity, convenient tap, and potent alcohol content. Franzia is no easier to clean out of your pants, carpet, couch, or your conscience for that matter, though. Normal people feel shame if they shit themselves. For today's teens, however, it's just the natural by-product of having some "drinks" with their friends.
  I wish I had a message of hope to pin on the end of this. I wish I could point to a significant population of young adults who were doing things the right way, who might redeem their generation and save the future. I can't do that, because I don't believe they exist in sufficient numbers as to provide any real solution. They are the most minuscule of minorities and they will likely be trampled by their contemporaries and drowned in a river of fecal Franzia, Adderall, Klonopin, and cough syrup. I truly hope my generation still has the strength of will to dominate the important positions of society at least until I die. My biggest fear is that there will ever be a person sitting in the Oval Office with a scarred rectum and dead brain cells from a frat party in 2011 that can very literally be called "sick." Hepatitis being the main sickness...and Pink Eye. Those kids are gonna get Pink Eye.